Tortured beings that we are
with hearts built for desire

we burn relentlessly,
some brilliant searing lights,
others but dull embers.

We have a choice:

to endlessly chase
flickering flames of illusion
and live that we may die,

or we may lose ourselves
in the fire of the love of God
and die that we may live.

In either path
we face a life of pain.

On one path
this pain is a horrible curse,
on the other
it is the sweetest gift.

I pray that God
will give me eyes to see
the end in the beginning

that I may choose the right path
and not suffer in vain.

By the fire of the Love of God the veil is burnt which separates us from the Heavenly Realities, and with clear vision we are enabled to struggle onward and upward, ever progressing in the paths of virtue and holiness, and becoming the means of light to the world.

~Abdu’l-Baha, Paris Talks, p. 81

I was reading in Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind about a story of four horses.  There’s the horse who moves before he even sees the shadow of the whip.  Then there’s the horse who moves with a slight touch of the whip.  Next there’s the one who needs to be swatted a bit before he decides to obey.  Finally there’s the one who has to be beaten to the bone before he responds.

Interestingly enough, the point is not to be the number one horse who is so perfect.  The idea is just to be aware of which horse you are and observe what’s going on.  That’s good news for me, because I’m often closer to the fourth horse than the first one (at least when it comes to meditation and a couple other things).  I’m often pretty upset about that fact, but in the end we learn most from our struggles, even when it’s a struggle to do something basic in a spiritual practice.

I went to a 10 day meditation session years ago.  After I returned I could sit for an hour at a time, sometimes doing two hours a day.  Now I’m happy to be doing my 10 minutes a day.  Life has kinda pushed me just to do even that, but I am making progress with it and feel good about it.

I’ve either been running or doing yoga every morning lately.  Combined with prayer, reading and meditation it makes for a much greater amount of inner peace.  Of course, I still have a lifetime of work to go, but I’m feeling pretty good about things at the moment.

I’ve been stressing quite a bit lately trying to figure out what to do with the next few months of my life and dealing with projects that I’m still working on from home.  I had a nice weekend, got to get away and spend a night in the woods.  Just being out there and clearing my head a bit made me realize how high strung I’ve been.

I’ve been through this a number of times, where I’ve realized how much I need to clear my head and set this goal to meditate for 10 minutes, even 5 minutes a day.  I haven’t been so good about sticking with it, but this time I’m writing on my blog and narrowing my focus a bit.  Often I’m trying to work on multiple things (ie. reading more, getting up early to exercise, etc.).  I’ve found that I usually don’t follow through with habit-changing things if I try to do 3 or more, so I’m focusing on doing just this one.

So why meditate?  Is it really a valuable use of time?  Isn’t it kinda pointless just to sit there and observe your breathing?  Sometimes it can feel like that.  However, there are a lot of interesting things that happen when practicing meditation.  First of all, it’s a practice for disciplining the mind.  Often my head is full of random, scattered thoughts that have nothing to do with anything.  Practicing mindfulness helps me be more in the present moment, rather than spiraling into some imaginary situation or tangent thought.

When I stop my thinking, come back to my breath and just be aware of the present moment, it’s like waking up from a dream.  It’s so easy to get lost in a world of thoughts that have nothing to do with reality.  I’m always getting caught up in ideas about what I want to do, how I would like to be better at something, how I could have done something better, how I’m frustrated with a situation or person, the list goes on for a mile.  All of these thoughts are just layers of distraction that keep me from experiencing life as it really is.

When I can clear my head and look up at the sky, I see that life is beautiful, that the world is actually a wonderful place.  The worries, frustrations, and most other problems I experience have much more to do with my own reactions to than with life itself.  Of course there are always challenging people and situations, but these don’t have to be quite so miserable as I often make them.  By ruminating on things that bother me, rather than accepting them for what they are, I can add lots of needless suffering to my life.  Meditation helps me develop the ability to create less of this suffering, and to be more free of the illusions I form in my overactive little brain.

So anyway, this is turning into a lot of talk about a little thing.  Meditation for 10 minutes a day.  I’ve picked up my faithful old copy of Zend Mind, Beginner’s Mind to be a companion.  Anyone out there meditating?  If you’re looking to get a nice intro into mindfulness, you can also check out Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh.